My parents are nuts and contradictory.

The countdown is almost over. The timer is about to "ding." It that turkey I smell? Yep, and along with it another holiday season starts. A time filled with regression, repression and aggravation all the while being loving, neighborly and a good family member. I love my family, but the holidays are difficult. 

My parents divorced when I was 23. They told me the Sunday before graduating college. You know, the last week full of finals, party's and optimism for my new career. Good timing. 'Preciate it. Way to bring me down. 

Now, several years later, I'm older, but for the first time single during the holidays. But you know what? I'm not gonna crack. As a matter of fact, I'm excited. I get to do what I want. Like getting to see my family. I guess that's gonna be fun.   

Oh yeah, my family. Sorry about the micro-vent. Does anybody else feel this way or am I out of wack? I feel completely different than my family now. I've moved away. They've gotten divorced. They moved to opposite ends of the country to be closer to their parents. I'm working on my business and creating lasting relationships here. Plus, they're acting like a bunch of children. 

I talked to my mom last night and she told me about how she and her boyfriend bought a Wii. Good for them. At least there is something for me to do when I'm there around Christmas this year. (p.s.- did I mention that it's a huge pain to celebrate the holidays across the country? Thank GOD I'm single this year. Last year, my then girlfriend and I had 3 Christmases. Awesome for presents, crappy for miles on my lease.) But what's more interesting is the negative, confusing messages that her relationship is sending me. It's difficult to understand how to interpret everything. But my mom isn't alone. 

For example, when I was in college, I kinda lived with my girlfriend. By this I mean I had my own place where my "stuff" and mail lived and I payed rent, but I stayed at her place every night. My parents (when they were still together) never confronted me about it, but they weren't dumb. They got it. They knew. 

Fast-forward to today. My mom hasn't told me "officially" that her boyfriend now lives with her. My dad laid it on me that he will be getting married again in the spring. Number five now. I'm sure his whatever is living with him. He asked if I needed any furniture. Now, it's me who isn't dumb. I get it. I know. 

So I grew up in a conservative Christian family with parents that tried to instill solid values in me. It worked for a certain extent, but I had the wrath of my parents in me, instead of the wrath of God. Today, my values are more concrete. I understand where they were coming from, have that "wrath of God" within me and view what they are doing as contradictory, plus unmoral to the values within which I was raised. (Just to be clear: my stance on living with somebody before marriage: Don't. It's difficult to get out. Remember that college girl? Stayed with her two and a half years too long. Plus, the spiritual side of me has a similar stance, but a little more black and white.)

I feel as if I'm not alone on this one. I've talked to several my age with parents that divorced late and are acting like kids. I guess it's okay, but it is making it hard for us to continue the respectful Parent-Child relationship. It seems that I'm more in a Friend relationship. I guess that's okay, but stop asking me parent-ish questions like "how's your health?" and "how's your savings account growing?" Well, I'm stressed, eating a lot of cookies because it's the holidays and have you seen the stock market? Not good. I'm working till I die. Should be fun. 

John Zogby in The Way We'll Be (I know I use this book a lot, but it's sweet) that the "Woodstockers (those born '46-'64- many call them Baby Boomers) will finally get tired of trying to look and act like children. This is a generation that needs a second act-- something with more social utility than an endless obsession with self."

I feel that there is an amazing similarity with Generation Yers and Boomers right now. We as Gen Y Live First, Work Second, as author Rebecca Ryan puts it. Our Boomer parents are retiring in huge numbers. They were raised with the values that you're supposed to work hard and then retirement is the age of pleasure. So who's leading who or are we experiencing the same feelings with different levels of experience and income? I'm thinking that Generation Y currently has the upper-hand, while both generations strive to "figure-out" happiness. That's just because I'm stubborn and in Y. 

You want another example? I thought you'd never ask. How about the book, and personal problem I've experienced first-hand, The Quarter-Life Crisis by Alexandria Robbins and Abby Wilner. Um, isn't that like a mid-life crisis? Sure there may or may not be as much money, a spouse or kids to consider, but isn't the underlying factor for a "life-crisis" deep-rooted in seeking happiness from family, work and personal stuff? Isn't it weird that this is happening at the same time on both ends of the family spectrum? Makes for some interesting turkey-day discussions. Try 'em. 

So as I have completed my Quarter-Life crisis (or have I?), I'm learning more about the deep roots of my parents individual values and how we are incredibly different, yet similar. I see my stubbornness in my dad and it scares me. I see more of my emotional side coming from my mom. That scares me even more. 

So as these holiday season approaches, I'd encourage each of you to listen to this advice. Pain and prying questions are temporary. Love your family, but then get out ASAP. Go, eat, drink (not too much) and be merry. Love your family, but love them for their quirks as much as their strengths. I know I try to. Finding those quirks and still wanting to go is key. There isn't another family dynamic exactly like mine. I wouldn't wish it on anybody... but me of course. 

Happy Thanksgiving Everybody!

Wichita Entertainment District: Yes Please!

One of the greatest opportunities of my life was the ability to travel this great nation for a solid year. In each new town I encountered, my crew and I immediately wanted to know where the coolest place in town was to hang out and grab a drink after working or driving all day. It inevitably lead us to some of the nations best party-spots. I've seen the good, the bad and the insanely awesome. 

Last night's meeting between some of the Young Professionals of Wichita and John D'Angelo, the Cultural Services Director for the City of Wichita peaked my interest and caused some great discussion. It seems that the City of Wichita is interested in opening discussion concerning an Entertainment District Area in this next legislative session. This discussion would include opening the barriers concerning liquor-laws on a state level in order to give drinkers the ability to move from bar to bar, bar to venue, or bar to restaurant with a beverage in hand. 

Sweet idea. I'm for it. There's some good and bad however. Here's my take on it. 

Idea: Make Old Town open-container friendly.

Will Old Town make a good Beale Street? Will Commerce Street mimic Bourbon Street? I personally hope not. Here's a con and pro.

1. Those places are fun, but nasty.

Let's face it. Old Town already has a Sunday morning trash problem. While I love the brick facade of the buildings, I'd hate to live down there due to the noise pollution and trash. 

I've personally been to Beale Street during New Years and it's a great time. But, it's an incredibly unsafe and unsanitary good time. I'm not sure that's what we want to promote. These areas have the clout, the fame and the resources to clean it up. I'm not sure it's something we need to tackle to grow our city's reputation or tourism dollars.

2. They control the area.

When I enter any large entertainment district, I'm always carded and patted down. There is simply no possible way to control underage drinking in an area as large as Old Town. WPD would freak. Guaranteed.

Idea: Make the new WaterWalk Entertainment District open-container friendly

Here's a reality I would like to see. I can envision the new proposed entertainment district included in the WaterWalk development mimicking the awesome nightlife experiences similar to Kansas City Live, Fourth Street Live in Louisville, KY or Downtown Disney in Orlando. I've been to all three of these areas and had not only an amazing time, but considered them to be some of the cleanest, safest and welcoming places for residents and guests alike. The are controlled and they are clean. They are also only 21 and up after a certain time. I like that. I don't mind being carded. It's not a big deal.  

Idea: Make provisions for specific areas during certain events

Here's where I think we begin. Riverfest, Old Town Square, Octoberfest, Cinco De Mayo, Farm & Art Market Concerts, all great places to practice this idea. They are smaller areas (with the exception of Riverfest, good luck,) that can be policed well and they can be cleaned up easily. 

I feel this entertainment district shouldn't be a main focus for our city like Beale or Bourbon, but I do think it could engage younger folks, those wanting to have a good time and traveling guests to our city. Must we not forget that a true Entertainment District isn't just bars and clubs. We need more retail, performing arts, live music, restaurants and of course a sustainability during the workweek. It's also about personal responsibility. People are smart and responsible. Crowds and groups of peers, not so much. Different topic all together. 

While this is merely my opinion, I feel that this is a necessary step to ensuring Wichita enhances its entertainment experiences. I love the POTENTIAL growth happening in the Downtown area. My only hope is that we follow-through on some of these ideas and implement an amazing entertainment district and ultimately a fun and engaging city for resident and guest alike. 

The Interview: Getting past the B.S. Meter

What if you had thirty minutes to pick your husband or wife. You have to know who they are now, where they've been and where they want to go. And of course, you can't ask any personal questions. Could you do it?

The interview today is probably the most important step to getting a job. Here's the deal, as more and more people attend college and graduate, every resume starts to look the same. When I was growing up, I was told the only way to get a decent job was to not only graduate high school, but college as well. As I entered my undergraduate school, it became clear that more and more people are getting graduate degrees. Now it seems that with all of the online graduate MBA programs out there, people are still learning well past their thirties. What this means is that specifically for corporate jobs, more and more qualified candidates are applying to the same position. 

The interview is essential now days. Going back to the other side of the desk, think of the mountains of resumes and cover letters they receive. Imagine sitting there all day and interviewing over and over and over and over again. As a potential employee, you're performance lasts thirty minutes to an hour (sometimes longer for major corporate jobs, one of mine was two days.) The interviewer has been doing it all day. Hearing the same B.S. answers to the same B.S. questions. 

So how do you stand out? Everybody has a B.S. meter today, so how do you leave a lasting positive impression on the potential employer and get that job?

1. Know that you are going to be a GREAT fit for the new company. 

Look, it's not enough anymore to think you'd fit the company, you have to know. First, READ the job description and know if you have the proper training to handle the job. Second, while dreams and ambition may be an awesome tool, put it aside for one minute and REALLY gut-check to see if this is somewhere you want to be. Third, do research about you, the company and the industry. You'll be grilled about all three. Expect it. 

2. Be genuine, but be amazing

We live in a  society that loves looking at people boast how awesome they are, but when it's time for us to do it, it is viewed an uncouth. This is your time to shine, but don't be an ass, be genuine. B.S. meters for interviewers is ALWAYS set on high. If you are comfortable with who you are and the research you've prepared and practiced, you're good. All interviews are the basic same song and dance. Your energy level must be high, but you must be relaxed. You need to find a way to be genuine in your delivery, tone, presence and of course your answers. Don't lie. Ever. Being something you are not in an interview is lying. Don't do it. 

3. Be Flawless

Every single thing about you, from the time you walk out of your car, until the time you leave in your car, is being judged. Hard. Not only must you look amazingly professional, so must your resume, your cover letter, your hand shake, your teeth, everything. You are trying to promote the brand of You. It's fun, it's exciting, it's fresh, it's perfect for the job. It's you. Be you. Be flawless. 

4. PRACTICE

Seriously. Do it again. But don't over do it (be genuine, not rehearsed.) Don't ever interview for the sake of practice. If you need practice, role-play with a great friend or better yet a family member. Someone who knows you and can help you. Hire an interview coach (like me.) The time and money you may spend on practice will pay off.

I know from personal experience that the short time I spend with someone eases them. I can see a change in their demeanor from the beginning to the end. They loosen up and we both feel confident in their abilities.  We find genuine answers to those questions that you will be asked. We run through the interview daily plan. We find ways to weave all questions to three main points that you want the interviewer to know about you. These are all extremely important as the interview approaches. 

So regardless if you are interviewing for a retail job for the holiday season or are going after that dream job, be prepared. Know you are in the right place. Be flawless. Be genuine. Practice. Be energetic, but relax. 

These simple steps will help you stand out from the masses. It's critical. If you are unprepared, they'll see it and you're toast. 

If you are interested in receiving help from an interview coach, hit me up at brewmaster@rcompanies.com. It's genuine info. I don't sugar-coat it. No reason. We can set-up a time to talk and make your next interview pop!

Me, God & the rest of the World

So here goes. An insight into me, what makes me tick and how I truly feel about this great Guy called God. It's not your typical career advice that I normally give, but it gives you an insight into me a little more. 

Yesterday, I read the amazingly brilliant book by pollster John Zogby called The Way We'll Be. I found this book very interesting on many different levels, but one passage that stood out really stuck with me and is right on. (I could write for days about what this book has inside. Read it. Now.)

"The church of the future will be a bungalow on Maple Street, not a mega structure in a sea of parking spaces. It's intimacy of experience people long for, not production values" (p.215)

I love God. We talk, we hang and I love His Son Jesus. Good guy, regardless if you believe in Him or not. He came, He led, He died & He left. He'll be back. I am a Christian man and I'm proud to say so. 

But here's the thing. I don't do church. I dislike them. I don't hate them, but I find Zogby's statement profound in that to this day, I have yet to find a place that really harnesses and embraces everything I believe in. Truly. Honestly. 

On Sunday mornings, I am blessed to get together with a very small and intimate group of followers that know who I am (or are learning more about me each time.) We simply ask for what each other needs us to pray about and then together we work through a passage or chapter of the Bible. I get more out of this simple, no-structure hour with people I know and trust that I ever did at any church, large of small. 

Now, I have to be absolutely honest here. I did attend a mega-church for some time and really did enjoy the music, the lights, the message, the production value. I felt like I was worshiping here. Not to discredit this institution, or the members within it, but I personally feel like I was more interested in going there because of the production value than God Himself. Some people need that to stay tuned for their one hour per week, but that in of itself is one of the fundamental problems of the Christian Faith today. This limitation to one hour per week.  

Remember that group I hang with on Sunday morning? It's not just Sunday. We are invested in each other's lives. A majority of the "guys" in this group are getting together this weekend to go on a retreat. I talk to most of them more than once a week. I play ball with them. I live with them. I am experiencing life with them. I am becoming closer to God with them. 

So here's what I want out of a "church." Community, acceptance, support and love, but most important, I want to grow in relation to God so I can incorporate Him into my everyday life. Notice I said everyday. I truly mean that. God is amazing and I personally feel Him more each day as I talk with Him. I find that is the true meaning of the actions of "church." That's how I worship. Each day, every day, with who I am and what I do.

So there's a little insight into me. Zogby is on to something here. I encourage you to read the rest of his book. His insight into the American future is interesting, but I personally feel right on target into the societal implications present in today's society. Read it. It's a keeper. 

Gen Y: Add Value, Grow Fast

One of the greatest gifts our generation has been given is our ambition and the unlimited potential for success. One of the lessons I feel some of us have missed is that you need to add value first before you can reap the rewards. Here's an example.  

In my past, I went to work for a start-up theme park. I was hired as a sales guy, but knew that I really wanted to do marketing for the park. I hate sales. Truly hate it but I did it until I could show the CEO a little something I could do in the marketing world. I knew with this certain CEO that the only way for me to become the marketing director would be for me to produce big sales numbers while offering marketing input when I could. I added value to the company first and eventually was given the responsibilities of marketing at the park. 

If I would have just tried to become the marketing director from the get-go, I wouldn't have made it to my goal. I learned that if one creates value for an organization, growth occurs on two levels. First, the person grows personally adding all the valuable lessons obtained creating value. Second, employers reward those that make positive changes to the organization. This may mean more money in your pocket or a greater position in time. 

What I'm saying is that you must add value to the company for you to grow. The more value you add to the company, the faster you grow. It's really that simple. Put your company first and you will be destined to grow. 

If not, get out. The place isn't progressive enough for you. It happens. Don't let it. Different topic all together. 

Generation Y are not "Brats!"

Generation Y has been called a lot of things in the past. Sometimes we are called ambitious, self-confident, mentor-driven, open, and contradictory. However, in a presentation on Generation Y that I gave today, we were called something completely different and unique. "Brats" was the word I believed he used. 

Now, of course I defended Generation Y and came up with all the different ways how as an awesome generation we are in fact effective and productive. The gentleman (a Boomer) was not having it. He protested that all the traits I was describing made us Brats and would not let it go.

Generation Y are not "Brats." 

Listen. Ambition is amazing anyway you look at it. I feel that Generation Y is more open, honest and willing to learn than any other generation out there. As a matter of fact, many feel that way. What we do get a bad rap for are a few areas in which we differ. 

Hard Work

It's funny to me that older generations don't think we work hard. The bottom line is that we are all trying to bust our butt to be productive and make a mark on this world. Whereas Boomers and Xers want to work hard within the certain businesses that they call a job, Yers want to help out their business, but also be involved elsewhere in the community. Work to us is all things within and outside or our profession. Do you think that I am involved with all the extra organization and clubs because I want to fill up free time? No. I'm interested in growing and helping. I'm interested in causes. I'm interested in more than just my job. 

Communication

We've been handed a lot of opportunity as Generation Y. That's a great thing. Due to our ambition, we need guidance to start projects and find out how we are being evaluated. We need to open the communication lines with our supervisors. One thing that reverbed in my brain from today's discussion is that Boomers and Xers don't want to talk to us. They have been told to figure it out and they fully expect us to. What fun is that? I want to figure out a problem all right, but what good is it for me to figure out the wrong way to do something that's already been don't wrong? One gentleman asked if Generation Y had to invent the light bulb like Edison, could we do it. I told him absolutely, and we'd probably do it faster due to the fact that we'd team up, but also ask for help. Not to discredit Edison, we didn't hang, but the point I am trying to make is that if I am asked to solve something, I want to know all the previous approaches to trying to make it work FIRST. Then I'll bust it to figure it out. 

I told the gentleman that no, Generation Y are not "Brats." We are not challenged enough at times and that makes us uneasy and unproductive. My kindergarden teacher tried to start this doubt in me. She wanted to put me on some A.D.D. meds because I was disruptive and being a "Brat" in class. Once she challenged me, gave me some clear goals (now I decide them myself of course) I was back on track. I was applied. I was doing something. 

I encourage Generation Y to begin talking to your managers more. Open those lines of communication. You don't know if you can take on more if you don't ask. They won't know if you need more help if you don't tell them.  

An incredible message in an unusual place.

A few days ago, one of my roommates received the new Patagonia Fall 2008 Catalog. As an outdoor enthusiast, I was thumbing through the pages and came across a bit of unexpected motivational advice. 

Steve House wrote:

Motivation is the ultimate clean energy. So fueled we try, and usually fail, to reach our summit goal. Bargaining for better conditions, a stronger self or a bluer sky. Trading success to live another day. But success, when achieved, is empty. by attaining the goal we lose it, and then we are lost again. Goals are the plot lines to our lives.

Many say that success is a journey and not a destination. Think about it. When have you been successful? I know some of the largest successes in my life usually come in the blink of an eye. While they are incredibly important to relish in these moments, they are usually brief. An incredible business presentation, winning an important game and even the act of getting married all happen within a few hours time. But the lasting euphoria left behind carries us forever. 

So while having a successful event is important, don't lose site of the internal lessons and gain happening within your own soul along the way. It's incredibly hard to do, especially the more pressure one places on the successful event. It's like climbing an incredible mountain and only seeing the rocks under your feet. Stop, take a deep breath of that crisp mountain air and bask in the incredible scenery. Then. Keep. Going. One. Slow. Step. At. A. Time. 

Photo credit: Mark Prezel